How an Anonymous found herself back in Love
I come from a very long relationship, it was toxic, for a long time. For years it was characterized by silence, arguments, punishment, anger, sadness, distance, and being alone.
At some point, we lost each other and were alone in the relationship for a long time.
Although I worked a lot on myself and took good care of myself, I knew less about who I am and what I need.
He was probably a narcissist, I tied up. After 25 years I broke out, and wanted to be alone.
Anything was better than continuing this boring love relationship.
I hadn’t kissed in years, I wanted to make up for that. I went on Tinder.
After three days of tindering, I had a date with you, you were immediately flashed by me and I also liked you very much.
I called you or us the perfect match. I was open to everything, and had nothing to lose.
I also had no expectations, I wanted to live, I was hungry, I was free, and I wanted to kiss.
A friend asked me if I was not afraid of being hurt. No, I did not. I wanted to kiss, I wanted to feel love, I wanted to fly.
I was never afraid, the bad times were behind me. I was and am with myself, giving myself happiness and satisfaction.
We kissed on the third date. I think all day long. I flew, it was beautiful.
You said you could show me your stamp collection, that was fun. But we waited a little longer for that.
That was over two years ago. Since then, we’ve seen each other three to five days a week and it’s never too much.
The closeness gets even closer
In the beginning, you lived a little further away from me, but you felt like moving near me very quickly.
You wanted to be close to me from the start. I couldn’t leave yet because I live with my students.
You have lived close by for some time and we see each other a lot. We kiss a lot, still. We are happy, you love me, I love you.
Yes, we talk a lot, about everything, we are open, we are close, I am me and you love exactly that, you are you and I love exactly that. I can be exactly as I am, that is a wonderful experience for me.
I still can’t quite believe it and have to pinch myself now and then to see if I’m in reality.
How can it just be so good? How can it just be that easy? And how could it be so difficult for so long?
I no longer knew what it was like to be light. To be happy, to feel closeness.
You give me what I need, you make me see the good version of myself and that is beautiful and makes me very grateful.
Because there was a time when I was emotionally closer to death than life.
Now I’m living to the fullest again. I enjoy it and love it, it fits, and it’s beautiful.
I found myself again
The last time I was mucking out I found old letters to my ex-husband from our early days, in which I wrote back then that I was not happy, that I needed more closeness and tenderness.
Back then I knew what I needed – and over time I just forgot about it.
I stayed anyway, I was able to share my love and tenderness with my wonderful children, but in the relationship, I pretended to be so as not to hurt myself.
Now I have rediscovered what I already knew before. I know again what I need, what makes me happy, what I love and you give it to me.
I didn’t ask for it, didn’t expect or demand anything. And I don’t have to ‘afford’ anything for it.
You just give it to me because you want it, because you are who you are and because it fits so well.
I think you feel the same and that just makes everything a lot nicer.
Each of us could shed our past. Now we enjoy every moment together in the present, and we’re grateful for it, and have no expectations for the future.
We enjoy, we love, we talk, we laugh, we cry, we do ourselves well. I can give everything to you and also get everything from you.
Too cheesy? Maybe somehow yes, but it is what it is. I’ve felt like a teenager in love for two and a half years.
I blossom and can finally be the woman who slumbered inside me for so long. And I am very happy, and satisfied, and take every moment as it comes.